PJ Library's Tips for Talking with Kids About Israel (and Other Big Topics)
Older kids and tweens have vastly different emotional, intellectual, and social responses to the war in Israel. Sometimes they ask questions that are no different from those of a small child, and sometimes they ask the types of deeply thoughtful questions you might expect to hear from a teenager. Parents have told us that their kids are asking painful questions:
Is it OK to be Jewish?
Am I safe at school?
Could something like October 7 happen here?
Is it true that Hamas kidnapped Israeli children and babies?
Can I love Israel and disagree with its leaders sometimes?
What about all the Palestinians who have been killed?
There is no one-size-fits-all way to approach questions like these. Instead, our experts recommend you spend time with your children on their terms, take time to really listen to them, and help them feel safe. Read on for simple approaches that might help you engage with your kids.
1. Make time to talk.
The older our kids get, the busier they get, which makes it extra important to find time to connect with them. Invite them to run errands with you (car time is great for conversations!), take them out for cocoa and cards, or toss a Frisbee. Keep it casual. There might be a specific situation or incident to discuss, or you can just ask them what’s on their mind. Follow their lead — if they don’t want to talk about it, that’s OK! Just find the time and they’ll open up when they’re ready.
2. Stay curious.
The best way to keep your kid talking about tough topics is to stay curious. Resist the urge to correct or explain. Listen and ask questions about what they mean when they say certain things, how they feel about what’s happening, and what they think might be going on. Listen carefully, and take their responses seriously. If you do have concrete advice to offer, you can ask them if they want you to listen or offer
suggestions. (If you ask that question, be sure to respect their answer, no matter how hard it might be!)
3. Let it be OK not to know.
You don’t have to have all the answers (so few of us do!). If they ask you something you don’t know, just tell them that. If it’s something you can look up, do that together. If there’s someone else — a rabbi or counselor or teacher — who might have a useful perspective, reach out to them together. And if it’s a particularly sticky question with no clear answer, just say that. At least your tween will know they’re not alone in not knowing!
4. Keep connecting.
Whether it’s about Israel or something else, your kids will need your support and guidance as they face life’s tough questions. The best thing you can do is show up, listen well, get curious, and let your kid know that they’re not alone!
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